To My #1 Valentine

I wrote this awhile ago, but with Valentine’s Day, it’s always a good reminder of how important this relationship is. Annie+Annie=4eva

This post is partially inspired by this TED Talk by Tracy McMillan:

I’ve heard the saying that you should date yourself before you can date other people. And I guess I’ve taken that into consideration somewhat. To me, that meant getting to know myself and treating myself with respect. To an extent, I have done that in between serious and not so serious relationships.

But there has still always been a part of me that is just waiting for someone to come along and take care of me. Someone who will make everything better and do all the cliché happily ever after things that have been engrained in my mind since childhood.

I haven’t really been dating myself. I’ve been having one night stands with myself. I will take care of myself for a little while and then treat myself like shit for the majority of the time. I’ve been verbally abusive, constantly tearing myself down and saying negative things about my body, and my mind, and my overall personality. I will eat healthy and exercise for awhile and then dump all over myself, eating junk food I barely like, just to get a quick fix.

What do I want in my eventual partner? I want someone who treats me with respect no matter the circumstances. I want someone who tells me I’m beautiful when I don’t feel that way. I want someone who reassures me that I’m doing all that I can. I want someone who kicks my ass and encourages me to go after my scariest dreams. I want someone who introduces me to new things and knows when to take me out and when to stay in and get pizza. I want someone who thoughtfully cares about the world and has other things going on in their life besides me. I want to be a power couple, continuously supporting, encouraging, and bettering each other.

But I don’t know that person yet. Or at least, I don’t know that I know them. So I decided to become that person.

The past couple of weeks, I have finally committed to the relationship with myself. I’m slapping a ring on it, taking my vows, and deciding to live happily ever after. I am going to do real, physical things to date myself, not just “finding out who I am.” I’m going to take myself out to dinner. I’m going to buy myself presents. I’m going to nourish myself with food that will strengthen me and push me to become healthier and stronger. And when I’m not healthy and strong, I’m going to be forgiving.

I am going to love myself unconditionally. I’m going to try new activities that I want to try and watch movies that I want to watch. I’m going to be my own hero and save myself when the world is dark. I’m going to push myself and support myself and laugh with myself. In sickness and in health, till death do us part. Although I guess even then, I’ll be there.

Happy Valentine’s Day. Make your self worth the greatest love story ever told.

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